23 June 2015

On Change, Goals and Elevators

Downtown LA theater // Personal picture

I recently listened to a TED radio show about time, and was intrigued by one of the themes, animated by psychologist Daniel Gilbert: when do we become the "final" version of ourselves? Do we become who we are meant to be when we reach our life goals? Accomplish our dreams? Perhaps we change constantly over time, and one day realize just how far we've gone, like that evening, as I was stuck in the elevator, somewhere in downtown LA.


Elevators

When I was a child, we lived in a three-storey building, above the Boulangerie, in front of the village's Church courtyard. I used to take the elevator to get home, until we got stuck one day with my dad. For years, I refused to take elevators. All the best for my health, but children fears hold on tight through the years.

Then Tôkyô happened. Any department store had at least 7 floors, and the most interesting one (restaurants!) was always the top floor. I also worked on the sixteenth floor, and hardly could avoid elevators anymore. Fast forward nine years, I'm attending E3 in Los Angeles. Sleeping on the 19th floor of a hotel, eating in top-floor restaurants, attending press events on the 71th floor of Downtown's highest building.

Then, one day, a thump and a stop. That possibility you don't even think about when you ride elevators several times a day. Over one hour stuck with six other people in an elevator styled à la Die Hard. That's the surprising part of the tale. Of course I remembered being stuck as a child, but none of the fear remained. I wasn't even frustrated. We got to know each other while we waited for the firemen to get us out. I actually enjoyed this one of a kind experience, think that would make the hell of an E3 story to share in the years to come.

How far have I gone since the time I refused to ride an elevator? I think we change more than we know, without realizing it until something out of the ordinary tests our limits. Dan Gilbert thinks so too. As he explains in this TED talk, we change more than we know, and we will change in the future more than we can predict now.

Change, Goals and the Journey of Simplicity

Which brings me to my point: the simplicity journey, our goals and becoming who we are meant to be. When I consciously started simplifiying my life 4 years ago, I had this ideal self in mind - the perfectly curated wardrobe of well-chosen and well-fitting items, all ethical please, a simple and practical home with personal decoration touches brought back from travels, no more wishlists or purchase desires.

I would have all I need, be perfectly content and happy, meditate every day, run marathons, saving all my money for travels and life projects. My material collection would be "finished", and I would finally be the simple, open-minded, detached from material person I was meant to be.

Then years went by. I edited my item collection, moved to Paris, read style blogs like they contained the recipe for personal style and self esteem and the perfect uniform. I culled and I purchased. My style got more defined, it evolved. Some items broke, some well-thought purchases turned out to be mistakes and some impulses turned out to become keepers. I went through shopping fasts, spring cleanings, inadequate wardrobes, sudden changes, another move to a bigger appartment as a couple.

Sometimes, I felt I was going in circles. Six months after a fast, having again not enough pants to last me through the week, like 4 years ago, like during my teenage years. The success of a fast followed by a necessary editing of worn and holed items, and having to buy 10 items at once again. Bringing mementos back from travels, filling my days with activities and discoveries, but then around the corner, wishing for that nice little printed scarf to be on sale tomorrow.

But as I moved in and took a good look at all the stuff I had accumulated over the years, arranged my wardrobe into my new drawers and closet, putting the final touch of decoration in our new home, planning for a museum visit and my next violin lesson, I realized I have changed more than I know these past 4 years. I have started participating in short story contests. I've been practicing violin again for a year and a half now, and I can (badly) play the Vivaldi concertos that got me to play violin in the first place 25 years ago. My wardobe is more adequate than it has ever been, and my home is practical, simple but personalized.

I still have wishes from time to time, and there are always objects that require replacement. Tastes evolve, I'm still working on that daily meditation habit, and on that travel fund to save for each month, but I'm closer to that goal I had four years ago than I ever realized. Because we change more than we know. There is no "person I'm meant to be". I am already the person I'm meant to be, and in 10 years I'll be someone else.

Even though this is a well-used mantra of simplicity, "journey is the destination", the actual meaning of that expression became clear as my jetlagged self got stuck in an elevator at midnight on the other side of the world. As Dan Gilbert says, we are never "finished". Our wardrobe will never be "complete", our simplicity journey will never reach an end, and the goal we have in mind now will probably have evolved by the time we reach it. And that's OK, because life is a journey, and we are becoming who we are every single day.

In the end, I think happiness comes when we realize this, doesn't it? When we are no longer waiting to become who we are meant to be, and enjoy where we are now. Take what there is to take: awesome experiences, little material wishes, getting stuck in elevators. Accept that we are ever changing, and that change makes us who we are.


This was a bit of a spontaneous ramble here, I do hope it makes sense to anyone else than myself at this point. What do you think? How much have you changed these past years? Have you ever suddenly realized the meaning of a phrase you'd heard so much in the past?

12 comments:

  1. Thanks for the spontaneous ramble! It's what I look forward to - posts like these. I hear you on the evolution of simplicity. I want the same things you do. But my curated wardrobe wears out faster; my weight yo yos making 1/3 of my wardrobe less than ideal for a while; I get a workout routine I love and then I move and have reinvent how I do exercise; I'm starting to get somewhere on financial savings goals and, again, I move and lose a ton of money and have to start from scratch... not meaning to whine but the stasis that I look for in order to be productive and do the things I'm wanting never quite arrives. For me, simplicity is mostly a way to save money, a way to manage my inherent anxiety and rush to do too much to compensate for my feeling of inadequacy, and a way to remind myself what makes me happy. It's more like meditation in that sense. So there's my own ramble. Keep your thoughts coming! :)

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    1. Thanks for this rambling comment, that's also the sort I like! I can relate to some of these things, like editing the wardrobe but then wearing out my clothes too fast and being back to square one of having to purchase several items at once, or going for an exercise routine and then life happening and having to start again a few months later... But I guess that's life, nothing ever happens exactly according to plan, and if it did, my guess is we would be so bored. You're right though, simplicity is about soothing our own internal demons and reminding ourselves of what we want our life to be like and what makes us happy :)

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  2. May I admit how beautiful this post is ! It sounds like you are in a happy place and on a chosen path.

    I have to add: a side effect of the simplicity journey is a rekindling of the thought process. About sustainability. About from scratch processes. About the planet. ..... Its all very spiritual and beautiful in my opinion. Much gracias for being on this process with me. Reading your words helped.

    - Archana.

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    1. Thank you Archana! I am probably in a happier plan than I have ever been in my adult life, and that alone makes the simplicity journey worthwhile, whatever complications it might also bring (you know, questioning one's life choices and values and digging into past demons isn't always nice). But I agree with you, as if getting better ourselves opened our hearts up to other considerations, of ethics, environment, the weight of our individual choices on this planet. It's like thinking bigger than ourselves in a way, and I'm happy that we are on this journey together too :)

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  4. Oh my! This absolutely makes sense for many "someone else"-s: "We are becoming who we are every single day".
    Thanks and thanks and thanks again.

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    1. I'm happy if it struck a chord, it's always surprising to discover we are many on a similar trail of thought, thanks for letting me know :)

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  5. I like your rambles a lot :) please keep posting them. I don't think I told you but your posts are thought chew-toys for me (I know, bear with the terrible analogy for a second, I swear it's flattering.) I read your blog, then carry away a few bits in my brain. I forget them until I "dig" them back up again, when life happens to me. Something would come up, for example, and I'd say well, Kali would say: don't be afraid of the label! (you had a post about embracing titles/labels like writer, photographer, runner.) That one sticks with me a lot currently. I'm trying to make peace with/not be embarrassed about liking and being passionate about what I do.

    And such a move would not be possible if we readers and non-readers alike didn't change--whether intentionally or not, we evolve. Happy is the person who recognizes, celebrates, and welcomes change. I'm still a ways from being internally self-driven and deeply content, but each day that passes brings me closer to that level.

    As always--it's so nice to read your words. Please continue doing well! (ganbatte kudasai!)

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    1. Thanks! It's interesting to see the most spontaneous rambles can touch other people, even if it is at a later moment in their lices. To be honest, my own posts are "chew toys" for myself as well. I'm writing about whatever's on my mind at the moment, but life happens and attention gets drawn elsewhere and later on, I remind myself of these rambles by reading my own archives. It's like reading past journals, in a way. I'm happy it can serve the same purpose to some readers like you :) Please do keep doing well yourself!

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  6. Your 'ramble' definitely makes sense to me! I want to say that even though it's less 'informative' then some of your other posts, I really enjoyed reading this well written observation :).

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    1. Thanks, I'm glad to hear you liked it! My goal is after all to write posts that bring value to readers :)

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  7. Not a ramble, a beautiful piece of writing. Thank you.

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