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| Auvergne in summer, 2009. Personal picture. |
The French actor and humorist Jamel Debbouze was invited to a radio show the other day, to speak about his latest film. I heard him say: "We live in a country with freedom and safety, and free health care, yet Frenchmen are known to be depressed. But why?" This inspired me to go on a "No Complaint" challenge. You know what? It's damn hard. See, complaint #1 in the third sentence...
Thankfully, we are not all depressed, but we do complain a lot in Western countries in general. This is something that shocked me when I travelled to Thailand: locals were nice, warm and smiling, in a way I'd never seen in France (don't even get me started on Paris - ooh, complaint #2).
I have also noticed that negativity tends to spread, just like positivity does. All these little complaints around us add up, and make us focus on the downsides of our daily lives, instead of feeling grateful for the many upsides. Since changing the world starts with changing ourselves, let me present the "No Complaint Streak" challenge.
The rule is very simple: you are not allowed to complain about anything. Bad food, rain, annoying colleague, PS4 loading time, unpolite stranger in the metro, cat pissing outside of his litter, iPhone running out of battery, general rants about today's society and politics, Radio France's strike, nothing.
The challenge is to last as long as possible before a complaint splurts out of your mouth. At the beginning, it may last only a few hours. With time, maybe one day, two?
Now, here is a more formal step by step approach to the challenge if you need more structure:
- 1. Decide when you will start (it can be now, tomorrow morning, next Monday...)
- 2. Once you start, be mindful of your own words - you can also tell your loved ones about it, so they can spot the complaint for you, too.
- 3. As soon as a complaint comes out of your mouth or keyboard, note how much time passed since you started (one hour, three? A day, two?)
- 4. You can also note what you complained about, I find it helps with the mindfulness.
- 5. Note the improvements in your no-complaint streak, managed to stay "clean" of complaints for one more day? Cool!
- 6. After a week or so, note down what effect this has on you. How do you feel, not complaining as much as you are used to?
- 7. After this, you can go on or stop. This is a mini-challenge, meant to be small but repeatable how many times you wish
As for me, I have started today as I type these words, and my no complaint streak lasted for about 4 hours, until I blurted out a "Fait chier!" at an annoying e-mail. I'll update you as weeks pass, how long I managed to maintain the "no complaint streak". I'd love to hear about yours too.
I think this is a great idea! I have to add though - negativity breeds negativity. I've noticed that if I don't make an effort to put myself into a better mood when I start complaining, I have issues all day!
ReplyDeleteThat's very true! In a negative mood you tend to notice more negative things and brood over indeed :) I was hoping that the no complaint challenge may have the opposite effect, and so far it tends to affect the mood a little, but it's very hard to stop complaining. It's a good mindfulness exercise though, I don't think we realize just how much we complain all day (at least I didn't :) )
DeleteJ'avais lu sur le sujet le livre "J'arrête de râler", elle propose de mettre par exemple un bracelet qu'on doit changer de poignet à changer à chaque fois qu'on râle, pour bien prendre conscience de la chose.
ReplyDeleteC'était inspirant - tout comme ton billet ;) Par contre dans la pratique (et avec des enfants dans les pattes), c'est relativement compliqué.
Mais tu as raison, la positive-attitude encourage la positive-attitude, alors je vais essayer... au moins quelques heures ^^
Anko
Ah c'est une bonne idée le coup du bracelet! C'est vrai que le but de l'exercice est avant tout de prendre conscience du fait qu'on est en train de râler, et à quel sujet. J'avoue que c'est plutôt difficile, même sans enfants :) Mais je pense que quelques heures par ci par là pourraient avoir un effet sur le plus long terme, à voir en pratique, je débute aussi!
DeleteOh yes, French people do complain a lot. When I first moved to Quebec, what shocked me was how little people here care for complaints. If you start complaining about something, they literally walk away from you after two minutes. Or turn things to the positive. The only thing everybody loves to complain about is the weather, but this is allowed after six monhs of cold. It did change me. I do complain less than in France. Incidentally, is the Radio France strike still going on ? No complaint, just a question. A good post. Another thing to try is smile. Wherever you are, have a smile on your face. It does change people reactions around you. It is really hard to complain with a smile on your face.
ReplyDeleteAh it's a very good input, I did hear that people in Quebec tended to complain much less than France, I was fearing it was a stereotype but if you have noticed it there must be some truth to it :) I'm glad to hear it had an effect on your complaining habits, it means it can be changed! Smile is a good idea as well, I guess it goes hand in hand with the more positive attitude...
DeleteI think you got trapped in a lot of cliches in the first two paragraphs. You see compaining in the Western countries, because you live here. I assure you that if you lived in Thailand you would notice people compaining as much as in France :) It's just a matter of perspective. Lawn is always greener et cetera :) It doesn't make the challenge any worse, don't get me wrong. I try to limit mi compaining to the minimum and enjoy everyday life, but I consider one bitter word from time to time a good rehab that actually remind me of how much I've got and how inappropriate it is for me to complain. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say :) Btw, love your blog :) Eve
ReplyDeleteOh I most probably am biased by clichés indeed, as we all are. I only went to Thailand for a week, so if you have lived there I believe you :) When I say I'm under the impression that "western" people complain more, this is based on my one year experience in Japan where people complain much less, and complaining is viewed as childish and selfish. But now that you mention it, perhaps it is not that French people (I'm just going to talk about what I know) complain more than others, but maybe that it is more socially accepted to complain here - than it is in Japan at least. Perhaps this social acceptance encourages to complain more often than I'd like to myself. Clichés aside, I hope this mini-challenge is useful in any case :)
DeleteI think that one can't always "choose" to be happy/not be bothered by something. I hope you're not not too hard on yourself if you're having a problem and can't lift yourself up straight away. But we can do with more responding to little things that bug us and going with the flow versus reacting. : ) For sure. I just believe that there's just a fine line and it'll be interesting to look into when it's therapeutic to complain and when it's energy sapping.
ReplyDeleteI think you raise an interesting point here - about how things make us feel, and the complaint that is a result of it. I was thinking of this challenge more as a way to become aware of just how much we complain daily about little things that don't matter, whereas we could spend more time noticing and being grateful about the small good things around (that would be the next mini-challenge :) ). But indeed the goal isn't to inhibit my feelings or forbid myself to feel bad - it is normal to voice such emotions when they arise. In my case, only a fraction of my complaints are based on a real feeling that needs to be voiced though - it's more like, you know, raining outside, a picture frame not being quite straight or whatever other little unimportant things, if it makes any sense. I'm hoping this mini-challenge helps being more mindful of the complaints, and maybe make the difference between the 2, too.
DeleteI'm in :-).
ReplyDeleteNice to hear, let me know what your biggest streak is so far! For me, I haven't lasted a day yet, but moving into a new place isn't the best setting to avoid complaining haha.
DeleteI participated in a Simple Life Challenge in the beginning of the year, and no complain was the most defiant day of the 21 day challenge, much to my surprise. I honestly thought I didn't complain at all! It was very useful on learning myself better!
ReplyDeleteI agree that there's a fine line, as Anja said, and I tend to think that it's much more about your mindset than the actual act of complain itself. For an overall positive person, a complain might just be a way of coping with something bad before doing something about it or for those times when you can't do something about right away, or all. Not that I'm defending complains, and I do hate being around repetitive complainers, I just think there's much more to it than the simple complain. It's a great challenge though. Nowadays, I'm more conscious of my complains, and their utility, and make a point on not complaining to others, for respect.
I agree that there is more to complaints than just the act of complaining. There can be a real issue behind it, a frustration, or a need for attention, or many other things. I think this challenge may be a good start to become more aware and mindful of complaints, and might be the first step to delving deeper into the overall mindset. Sometimes it can be healthy to voice a feeling, more than to keep everything inside, it all depends on the context and the mindset as you say... I just think that maybe, a lot of our daily complaints are automatic, we don't even realize we are complaining so often, at least that's my case :)
DeleteI used to think complaining was an unharmful way of 'venting'. But when I tried ibto mind's simplicity challenge, which had a no complaint day, I noticed how often I complain and how often it doesn't calm me down at all (maybe I even get wound up all over again over something that's already in the past). Complaining without consideration is also bad for your relationships, so I'll try the challenge too.
ReplyDeleteIt's true that complaining doesn't always calm down, sometimes it even makes things worse, when you complain with other people and they join the debate and before you know it everyone is unhappy haha. I agree that it can be harmful for relationships if we complain too much. I guess it's all about balance, much like everything else.
Deleteoh god, I could definitely use this challenge... not sure I would even last four hours though!
ReplyDeleteHaha I see what you mean, neither do I (yet), but I still hope for improvement!
DeleteI've tried this before and it is super hard! I'm a terrible complainer about everything. If you want to see something positive in that then I'd say that I'm also someone who is not afraid to complain when there's a valid reason to do so!
ReplyDeleteIn my earlier attempts at not complaining I found that what I actually need to try is to think more positive. If I just didn't complain but made no other effort, the end result was a bad mood, because I'd feel negative (about the things I would've otherwise complained about) anyway, and then felt bad for not being able to say anything. This spring I'm trying to make some other improvements in my life and attitudes as well, perhaps I should give this too another try.
Good point, it's true that not complaining out loud but still complaining in our heads might not be very helpful for the overall mood. Maybe a more positive mindset is a second part of the challenge. You know, finding something you are grateful for each time you want to complain about something, or a similar idea :)
DeleteLong time lurker first time commenter here.
ReplyDeleteA small accident prompted me to think about this a few days ago. I wore a brand new summer dress to do some grocery shopping and a young lady dropped a big pot of yoghurt that exploded all over the back of the dress. When I returned home instead of complaining to my mother I told that to her as a joke. I always try to spin these uncomfortable situations into some absurd little jokes (if you think about it they are very often absurd) as it seems to allow you to talk about them without the negativity of a complaint.
I also work in costumer service and complaining is one of the things we do in the office, everyone joins in! That's an area that would definitely benefit from some improvement!
Looking forward to read your observation on this challenge!
I actually did this as a major not mini challenge and it changed my mood and relationships for the better. No complaining, criticizing or judging is the mantra of http://www.willbowen.com/ who started the complaint free world. I did buy the bracelet and wore it and talked about what I was doing. It's not just the French; I think it is a human habit that can be changed if you try hard enough and you will benefit.
ReplyDelete