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| Personal Picture // June 2014 |
Life is always changing, ephemeral, transitional. Japanese call it "Mujô", the impermanence, the uncertainty, the transiency of life. Cherry flowers which scatter at the wind right after they blossom. The sound of waves. The smell of freshly cut grass. Seasons, holidays, our student years...
Life is ever transitional. Yet, we feel we will be fufilled if only we get to the next step - a steady job, a long term relationship, more money, children, a bigger house... We postpone our dreams to "when life will be steady" but life never is. It is ever transitional.
So instead of waiting until you have more time, money, resources, support, why not start now? Enjoy the cherry blossoms, the freshly cut grass, the sound of waves, the snowballs? The student years in a small bedroom, the first, badly paid job with extraordinary experiences, long distance couple life, the first years as married couple, building a family...
We can spend all of these years waiting for the next step, the bigger house, the management position, the Rolex watch before enjoying life and fulfilling our dreams. Or we can enjoy these transitional moments while they last and carve fantastic memories to share with our loved ones.
Ever since I came back from Japan, I spent my twenties waiting for my studies to be over, my first job to turn into a better paid one, the opportunity to live together with my fiancé again. And all of these years, I could have flown low cost, slept on overnight trains and backpacked around the world.
All this to say, I have found my bigger motivation for going on with my shopping fast: I will travel with that money. And I'm talking holidays, discoveries, wonderful moments - not business, taxis and hotel rooms. I will do what I've dreamed to do during my whole childhood: discover the world. Make one of my biggest childhood dreams come true, isn't that a deeper motivation worth pursuing?
I love this! As I'm preparing to head back for another semester at uni, I have been thinking of how I feel trapped in a liminal state. One where I don't really belong to any specific place or tribe at the particular moment. I've been in fear of dwelling in this in-between state, but this has gotten me thinking I should embrace it instead.
ReplyDeleteI think you should embrace it indeed! I have fond memories of my student years, and I now cherish these transitional moments I was so eager to be done with at the time. That's a technique I use to enjoy the current situation by the way - imagine myself a few years from now remembering the current transitional period: how will I remember it? Will I feel nostalgic? It usually helps me making the most of the current transitional situation, no matter how much I'd like to move on to the next stage :)
DeleteI've recently experienced the opposite feeling. After years of being in that 'transitional state' (college, first to fifth job, buying a home, getting married ...) I suddenly found myself at an end point. For someone my age, the next transition would logically be having children. But my husband and me have sort of decided (though not yet definitively) not to have kids. So I had a job I liked, a place to live, a husband, and none of those huge all-consuming goals to work towards. This propelled me into some sort of mini-existential crisis. I felt like I had finally created the time and framework to start living my life in complete freedom of choice, but this was paralyzing. Which is why I got a lot more serious about self-development. In the short term, it has taught me to enjoy the moment and it has also given me a sense of purpose. In the long term I hope I will get to know myself better and learn how to set bigger goals in line with my own values. Because I'm now convinced that happiness lies in the combination of finding joy in the present moment (even in transience, like you say) and on the other hand working towards meaningful goals (living a life on purpose).
ReplyDeleteI love that last sentence of yours, Liesbeth. It seems to sum up the whole of life.
DeleteThat's an interesting situation - kind of the opposite of what I am feeling these days indeed. In a way it sounds like you have reached a sort of "stable" situation but you find it paralyzing instead of liberating, that's so interesting. I wonder if I would feel the same in your situation. Do you feel trapped or something? It's never too late to move on to a new life, but I guess the more we are installed in a certain life, the harder it is to actively change it. I completely agree with your definition of happiness though - a combination of mindfulness and gratitude for the present moment, and a feeling of growth - through learning, achieving goals etc. Maybe a more "stable" life gives the impression that there is no growth anymore?
DeleteTrapped is too severe. It has gotten better too by setting smaller goals (relating to self-developement). But in a way you could say that the achievement of certain goals (a place of my own, a stable job (in this economy!), even marriage) turn out to make me reluctant to jeopardize those achievements. Also, for the first time ever I really feel like it is up to me now to take the wheel of my life. I know I'm lucky for this, but before I always succeeded in going with the flow, the flow being a combination of my parents' and societal expectations mixed with some obvious (but rather traditional) desires of my own.
DeleteI think now that when I was still in that flow, I misunderstood the nature of goals. It's a cliché, nut it does turn out that it is less important to reach them than to have them, indeed, as opportunities for growth.
hey! I had a giant the-nife binge these past few days, aha- your entries just speak to me. .. I'm still a student, but it doesn't stop me with being infatuated with the concept of living simply and appreciating what you have. it can be difficult during the school year, when you let 10 months of learning & opportunities pass you by because you're waiting for summer break. enjoying the moment/being mindful of my surroundings and actions- something I'll try to work on for this upcoming year. keep doing what you do; lots of love and light!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this kind comment! I'm happy that you enjoyed reading the Nife :) I think there is no predetermined age to want to simplify our life, find purpose and grow. On the contrary, I think the student years are a perfect moment to start simplifying as you are laying the ground of your future habits, goals and life. All the best on your own journey of simplicity and mindfulness!
DeleteI remember when I graduated I felt sad that I would longer have these long semester holidays every year - I wouldn't be able to just run off for 4, 5 weeks to some random country and see where the earliest bus out of town took me. I still miss that and I never take any of my vacation days for granted. I hope to transit to a job where I have more control of my hours (without living hand to mouth cos that is quite stressful) so that I will be able to see more of the world.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds so exciting! It's true holidays are long as a student, I guess life is lighter too, less obligations or stress... I remember we used to go on holidays together with friends, now it's much harder to organize as we don't necessarily have our holidays at the same time. I like how you use this memory to be grateful for your holidays and never take them for granted :) Good luck on finding a more flexible job!
DeleteAll throughout college I was sooooooo broke, and worked all the time, and never took any vacations. Now, I'm in my mid-30's and just finally starting to achieve financial security. I can't wait to start traveling!
ReplyDeleteI see what you mean here :) My fiancé and I are still living apart so even though we aren't students anymore money is short these days, and I'm looking forward to the time when we find a job in the same city, spend more time together and can devote money to travel together instead of paying train tickets to visit each other. But in the meantime I found I should enjoy the last months of my life alone in my mini-palace, for I'll probably remember if with a lot of nostalgia in a few years. I hope you find great places to travel to now that you can :)
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