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| Source: Flickr |
Almost one month after I bought my last purchase before starting a 6 month shopping fast, I already have an epic fail and subsequent learnings to report. Let's call it a missed start. And the important learning, probably key to succeeding not only in that kind of random fast experiment, but in any habit change, being to manage one's willpower resources.
The Shampoo That Started It All
On the 18th of June, when I went on my final pre-fast shopping trip, I also replenished a few daily things to prepare for the fast. Only, l'Occitane was out of my almost depleted shampoo. I thought none of it, as that kind of daily purchase is allowed during my shopping fast.In the meantime, I was already starting to consider moving toward natural body care products with less chemicals. When my assistant offered me an Aroma Box, natural ingredients to make my own products, I decided to start switching now.
I would use the shopping fast as a way to deplete my current stock, and replace each used up product with a simpler, more natural option. That's how I ended up, a mere week after starting the shopping fast, already researching natural shampoos.
The Epic Fail
And that's how I found this too perfect website: Ecocentric. This is exactly what I've been looking for as a conscious consumer. Based on a careful selection of brands, Ecocentric's objective is to offer the best of the organic and ethical market: no animal testing, fair trade products, a controlled production chain with fairly paid and treated workers, natural ingredients and high quality items. Needless to say, I am within their core marketing target.I stumbled upon their natural shampoo section and ordered 30ml samples for tests. However, as I was looking for more information on their policy, I soon found myself checking out the rest of the site. Namely, their "ethical & eco fashion" section. Organic fabrics, ethical production, appealing aesthetics and prices made affordable by 70% off sales could only lead to the inevitable: I ordered two of them, a cardigan and a sleeveless top.
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| Source: Ecocentric |
On Overestimating Willpower
Here is what really happened here: I trusted myself to be able to "just look". When I stumbled upon the above desirable objects, I started a battle of willpower. Me #1 mentioned the shopping fast and the 30 tops I already own, and me #2 argued that these were so adequate and would soon disappear from the face of Earth, and wouldn't I miss a great opportunity? At some point, the willpower required for me #1 to win got depleted, and I hit the purchase button.That being said, if I hadn't seen these items, I wouldn't have bought nor missed them, as they don't fill a specific gap. In other words, if I hadn't been exposed to them, I wouldn't have needed willpower to stop myself from buying them in the first place.
Jess recently wrote about how self control, and subsequent willpower, is a finite resource that can get depleted over time. Resisting a temptation that is in front of you - may it be a piece of cake when you are on a low carb diet or a couch and TV when you are on a running training - requires willpower. If you are exposed to too many situations that require your willpower to resist, you are bound to give in and fail at some point.
Learning: you can't rely on willpower alone to succeed at your objective, whatever it is (a shopping fast, more sport, regular instrument or craft practice, better eating habits...) How many of us would have resisted the aforementioned purchase - 100% within our own criteria, plus reaching an affordable price thanks to sales - when the "buy" button is so close by?
On Underestimating Temptation
Another point worth noting is this one: when I decided to browse the other sections of the Ecocentric website, I knew the probability of finding something I liked was high, so I knew I might want something. I simply thought I would resist. I am doing a shopping fast, I won't buy anything. In other words, I underestimated the power of temptation, or, if you prefer, I overestimated my capacity to resist it. "I'm just looking". Right.Jess calls this the Restraint Bias. It would seem our brain overestimates our capacity to resist temptation once we will be in front of the item. So we expose ourselves to high levels of temptation, certain that we will resist. I mean, a reseller of organic and ethical products? And I expected to browse their items safely? Really? Stupid restraint bias.
Learning: Do not expose yourself to temptation. And do not listen to yourself when your brain says "don't worry, you won't buy it". That sounds like an obvious thing to do when on a shopping fast - not enter shops and not browse online stores, especially our favourite ones. But I think the habit of browsing is so deeply integrated for most of us that we might not think much of it at first. At least, that's what happened to me.
Start Prepared
French apprentie minimaliste blogger Eva warned me when I mentioned my shopping fast on my French blog: "be prepared", she told me. I thought the shopping fast rules were enough of a preparation, plus, it is an experiment, not a debt-induced necessity. I now think she was right. So many of our consumption habits are unconscious, if I really want to make it six months without purchasing anything other than daily necessities, I'll have to come prepared.I am gathering some learnings for this first month of shopping fast - which I restarted after not only this one but two failures, the second of which I'm keeping for my next update - extra ideas to keep in mind so that you can start prepared, if you are tempted to join me in this experiment.
For now, the important learning to keep in mind is: start prepared, and not not underestimate the power of temptation over your willpower, no matter how motivated you feel. For those of you who have also started end of June/beginning of July, I'd love to hear your first impressions too.
I have already made a few non-essential purchases, but I can't say I feel guilty about them. I purchased some more yarn and knitting needles + 2 cookery books. Could I have lived without these purchases? Yes. Did acquiring them make me happy? Yes. I get great pleasure out of knitting and learning to cook better so I don't see these as the types of purchases I need to avoid at all costs. Obviously I don't need to buy cookery books and yarn lots and lots all the time, but I don't think I should deprive myself of those purchases either.
ReplyDeleteAs the idea is to experiment on purchases one might find unnecessary, if your purchases, although unessential, feel necessary to your own growth and happiness, then I agree with you, there is no need to artificially restrain yourself from buying them! I feel the same about items that make my home feel warmer and my moments spent there nicer - incense sticks, candles and tea. I wanted to write about these particular items because clothes were a clear no-go in my shopping fast for the next 6 months, even though I don't wish to stop myself from buying new clothes forever.
DeleteDid the actual items live up to your expectations?
ReplyDeleteI can't say, as I haven't actually received them yet. With July 14 being a bank holiday in France, I'll probably get them mid next week. Only then will I be able to report whether the items themselves are purchase mistakes or not. For now, I don't regret the purchase itself (yet), I just feel like I'm failing at living up to this challenge I'm trying to be held accountable for on this blog.
DeleteI started my fast July 1 and something similar happened to me, I was looking for a summer top at a favorite 2nd hand store. Summer tops are an allowed purchase for me as I have too few of them.
ReplyDeleteBefore I knew it I was in the dressing room trying on a pair of trousers from my favorite designer. I am not even sure now how it happened! Partially running on automatic, I know. They didn't fit, thank goodness. I realized as I left the store that I would have bought them if they had fit.
I can avoid stores now but I when I need to go into stores with family or for a gift I wonder what will happen... It's all interesting.
Ah, that's interesting, this idea of "partially running on automatic". I think there is a lot of this in my browsing habits as well. I am actually wondering how to make "being less exposed to temptaion" work with our daily life - going to shops for daily needs, going out with friends etc. Hopefully with this experiment we both will find ways that work for us! It is actually one of my goals, to find ways to deal with daily temptation, as it helps reducing consumption after the fast in ended.
DeleteI really enjoyed your post, and love your whole blog, thank you :)
ReplyDeleteI have been on a shopping fast since May 26. The plan is to not buy any clothing or accessories for the rest of the year. So it has been almost 7 weeks, so far, so good.
I'm motivated by the usual suspects - spending less, ceasing the accumulation, focusing on what I have. But my main motivation is regaining my self discipline. My compulsive shopping has been going on for a few years and I hate the thought that I have no control over it.
Therefore I'm very conscious of the impulsive aspect - and this consciousness has stopped me from buying at least 12 items in the past 7 weeks that I would ordinarily have pounced on.
When I see something I love, I experience a surge of excitement and positive feelings. Ordinarily I would follow through by moving into the decision making phase of buying ie, ok, so I know I have to buy this thing, now which colour, which size, where can I get the best deal on this item etc.
I am now not acting on the impulse. I am just noticing the rush of excitement, letting it wash over me but doing nothing about it. I wait, and I've noticed that within about 10 minutes or less the intense feelings have passed. I might still like the item but I'm back in control of myself and the impulse has gone. After the impulse passes it is easy to leave the item. What has surprised me is how quickly the rush is gone, and how valuable even a short cooling off period is.
For me personally, if I'm caught up in the impulsive feelings, willpower is the wrong tool with which to fight those feelings. It's like reasoning against a rush of endorphins, the wonderful feelings will win. So I recommend accepting those feelings but letting them pass before making any buying decision. I feel so much stronger with this method, totally in control again, and willpower isn't necessary.
Thanks for sharing! I've never thought about this actually - instead of relying on willpower to restrain myself and say "don't buy this", rather "trick" the emotional self by thinking, "yes, OK, maybe later", and have a cooling off period before making any decision. Thanks for that tip, I'll definitely try that out next time I am faced with the desire to buy something.
DeleteThanks for reading and responding :) That's a great way of putting it. I really hope it works for you :)
DeleteI recently read a series of blog posts on www.stevepavlina.com on personal discipline, which has very interesting tips on setting yourself up for succes. Realizing that willpower is a limited source is an important one. E.g. in the case of your shopping ban, it would be best to use it in one small burst to unsubscribe from newsletters, to plan activities so you won't have time for (online) shopping etc. When you are succesfully set up, you no longer have to rely as much on willpower to refrain from shopping.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing you're seeing this as a learning opportunity and not as a reason to give up on your experiment!
Thanks for that link! I've explored his "self discipline" posts and I like his approach to willpower, as you say, using it at the start to set up rules and habits that will make it easier to follow on the long term, requiring much less willpower overall. It's a bit like Nerdfitness's "Bat Cave for Habit Change" where he explains that good habits should be made easy to follow and bad habits hard (through the organization of the home, what's in the cupboards etc.) I definitely need to do that now: think about what I can set up now in my daily life to be less exposed to situations that require willpower to refrain from purchasing unneccessary items.
DeleteThis is so interesting. I read Jess's stuff but I don't really implement it into my life :P I must do this! So many scientifically backed choices you are making haha. I don't think you should be that hard on yourself. Consider this another insight to yourself.
ReplyDeleteHa, I think I make the scientific relation later on. When I pressed the purchase button I wasn't all like "hey restraint bias, I am seeing you now" haha. It is definitely an insight on myself, and that's exactly the kind of experiment and learning I was hoping to make. I just didn't expect to fail so quickly ;)
DeleteVery interesting post Kali! Since I learned to view willpower as a finite resource a lot of things have made sense to me. This is why I should never visit eBay when I'm sad, or go near a Ben & Jerry's stand when I've spent all day dealing with difficult people. It is hard to withstand ice cream when you've spent all your willpower trying not to kick people in the face ;)
ReplyDeleteOn a more serious note, I think it is time for a self-inflicted shopping fast again on my part, so I will join you once my summer holiday is over in late August. I really want to go back to New York again next year, and I would like to do it without it affecting my apartment saving plan. I have more than enough clothes, oh so many clothes, so there's really no need to buy anything besides the bare necessities. I've been on the most embarrassing spend-o-rama the past few months, so it is definitely time to pull back and get a grip again.
Ah yes, I hear you on that. Now I'm trying not to expose myself to any unnecessary temptation after work at all. Because I know both my energy and willpower are depleted. The first thing I've put in place some years ago now is to have easy to eat healthy food in the fridge, because I'm coming back from work around 8PM and I know I won't have the energy or will to cook anything, so I'd better have chopped vegetables to fix a quick salad in summer, and prepared soup to hear in winter!
DeleteI guess now I need time to find a similar preparation to make the shopping fast work (ie what to do when invited to go shopping with friends, what to do when going shopping for daily items and being exposed to non-essentials, how to occupy my time currently spent browsing...) That's interesting though, it's like my failure actually made me regain energy and interest in this whole shopping fast project.
Boy, did this post come at a handy time. I was just tempted to look at my favourite store's 50% sale, all the while thinking "This is stupid, before you know it, you'll end up buying something". Fortunately, I arrested myself before it was "too late" *dundundun*, thinking of your blog and the fact that I'm moving soon, and all the stuff I already have had to sort through. Never again, feng shui next etc, etc. So your post saved my willpower from disappearing completely, hurrah! The human brain is disappointingly fragile and complex at the same time. Lesson learned: stay away from the places that offer what you've banned for yourself.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this! It's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one tempted to still browse (especially on sale, it's so tricky). I'm happy to hear that you managed to stop yourself though, and I'm glad if I could be of any help. The lesson is learned for me too: never browse or enter my favourite stores :) I'll definitely work on a "shopping fast preparation" post, based on these learnings and everybody's comments :)
DeleteYou're not alone. I'm not shop-fasting, but Muji, Uniqlo and Zara got me within the first two weeks of July. Technically only Uniqlo was the "planned" purchase in that I've been meaning to try an AIRism top, but the other two were serendipitous sales/inspired by other bloggers. Luckily, they were well within my range, but did I need another buttondown and a black sweater? No. Does acquiring them make me happy (to take Lawyerette's comment above--hi!) Yes. They fit my style specs (weather appropriate, modest enough for work, price/quality/construction is fair.)
ReplyDeleteI still think you're awesome for trying. Btw I went to a warehouse to restock on body wash and it reminded me of your beauty products post, and how I was doing the opposite of what you're doing--stockpiling. Here's to hoping I don't have to stand in line for a whole year--I got six big bottles of the stuff :)
I think that's a difficult challenge to think about: what do you do about clothes that fit your style and are within your range, even though you don't really need them? Ever since I've refined my style and edited my wardrobe within that style, I honestly don't need anything new, and I'm wondering how can I assess whether I should buy something I like or not, when need isn't a factor anymore? Should we stop ourselves from buying what we don't need (the minimalist answer would be yes, I guess), or could we still have a certain rotation and acquisition cycle, but if so, based on what?
DeleteI'm hoping the fast, and temptations that come around (and that I don't give into, hopefully), can bring some answers to this. I don't know that I have much merit yet, knowing that I made 2 purchases within what was supposed to be the first two weeks of the fast, but we'll see. And I did think of you when I gathered my beauty product stock to be used within the next 6 month. I guess it's all about balance between stocking on a good deal and not cluttering shelves too much :)
It IS difficult. Like you've explored before in other posts, completely denying all instances of shopping is next to impossible, when there's so many other reasons to shop--to replenish stock, as a comforting gesture/or reward for a tough day/something we accomplished. You could argue that my shirt and sweater purchases didn't even fall under those categories. If anything they are new categories onto themselves--the shirt is a short sleeved buttondown (a first for me) and the sweater is cropped (also the first of its category in my wardrobe.) Still, not technically needs such as pants or shoes but they add variation to my arsenal. Maybe that could be a checkpoint in the rotation/acquisition cycle: how well does this piece add variation/change to my existing pieces? if it modifies the line of my figure by mimicking a higher waist (crop?) or if it serves more than one purpose (a short-sleeved shirt can stand alone in summer and be layered in spring/fall.) I would be OK buying something new that I didn't technically need at the moment if I know in the future it is a piece that can stand alone or mixed in with others.
DeletePardon my long-winded musing, haha. I hope some of that made sense. Re: shelf space--I'm spoiled because I live at home! I'm glad we're giggling at each other across continents :)
That's an interesting point though - to view a new addition as how it brings freshness and helps getting more use out of what we already own. I've been thinking about this too, as my latest purchases in 2014 happened to link items together, create new possibilities, or help me display some decoration items I previously had no idea for. But as I start a shopping fast I prefer to keep the reflection around new purchases for next year :)
DeleteAnd yes, isn't Internet great, as if distance was of no consequence haha ;)
I did a fast a few years back and I failed too - I bought a dress and I think a pair of shoes, a few months into the fast. But it wasn't a complete failure because I learnt a lot about my weak spots and about how my "impulse cycle" runs. Like Tia I believe in a "cooling off" period - 8 of 10 I want at first sight I forget the next day. There are some "NOW" buys but those hit my gut in a very specific way so if that feeling isn't there, then I leave it behind. I guess this sheepish feeling is going to stay with you for a while, but kudos for dealing with it so honestly!
ReplyDeleteI agree that the learning from that like of epic fail is huge, especially considering that it happened so quickly within the fast (I expected it to be harder after a few months, which it might be, as I am weak to Fall/Winter collections, both in terms of clothes and interior decorations). I'm doing my best, as you say, to turn it into learnings about my habits and weak spots so that it doesn't happen in the future (at least not in these conditions for these reasons). It's interesting to know that you've done and learned from your shopping fast in the past as well, depsite failing at some point too, thanks for sharing :)
DeleteAre you able to return the items as a way to undo your "mistake"? This store will probably still be there in six months. They will have other sales. There's that old saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. While I'm not implying that you're actually insane, your shopping fasts will never take if you keep giving into impulses. There are also these things my therapist called "automatic thoughts" that we use to justify our bad behaviors. (She made me write them down on index cards.) If I were in your shoes for this particular instance some of my automatic thoughts might be:
ReplyDeleteIf I don't get it now then I never will.
If I buy this one perfect thing I'll never want anything else.
It's on sale so I'm saving money.
After I buy this I won't feel want or the anxiety of having to choose.
If I buy a certain item I can at least look on the outside how I want to feel on the inside.
Those last couple are the worst. When I read those I just think, "That poor girl is broken," even though that poor girl is me. A few weeks later I had to revisit those thoughts and write what I knew was rationally true. They turned into:
Getting something now is just a temporary fix to my anxiety that won't be as gratifying later.
There will always be something else to want, but wanting an object isn't a substitute for having an experience. Find out what this object represents and work towards obtaining that instead.
You're not saving money if you don't need it in the first place and you'll save more money by not buying it at all.
This purchase is not going to get to the root of my anxieties.
You need to feel good about yourself, but it needs to come from within, not just a visual representation.
Like Tia, I've found some ways to cope. I totally agree with her cooling off period and just sitting with your mental and physical feelings for awhile. The more you practice this, the faster they fade. I keep a visual "wishlist" if I see something that I want or an idea that I like. I pull a picture of the item and rename the file with the store and item name. If they have it by the time my fast is over, then it was meant to be, but if they don't and I still want it after time has passed I'll still remember what it looked like so I can find something similar. Usually when I revisit my wishlist after some time, though, I find that I no longer want the item at all and am pretty glad I didn't pounce on it. Sometimes I'll have multiple versions of a similar item on my wishlist and am glad I took the time to "comparison shop" knowing when I do purchase that item I will not be setting for something that is similar, but slightly not right. Another tactic I've been using is asking what I would want more than that item and putting the money towards that instead. Like: I could buy that $300 Samantha Pleet dress or I could purchase a Eurail Pass with that same money. That makes me really think about my priorities. When I look back at my life will I be happier that I had a pretty dress or that I saw Europe? So get away from what's tempting you and find something better to do with your time! Get back on that horse and don't let one slip-up ruin your whole project! You still basically have your whole six months to make your shopping ban a success.
Thank you for that input, it's very instructive! I haven't actually considered the fact that I was doing the same thing twice and therefore applying for the definition of insanity :) I'd like to rather view it with the mindset of a scientific experiment: you engage in an experiment, try a set of parameters, and if it fails, you change one of the parameters and see if it succeeds. So it's not quite doing exactly the same thing and expecting a different result, although I totally see your point here. I do not give into all of my impulses though, and the ones I resist also teach me some things about myself - which is the objective of this shopping fast, ultimately - learning things about myself, even if, strictly materially speaking, I fail at not buying anything at all.
DeleteI think that in this specific case there are 2 parameters to consider, if I was to do the little exercise you mention: why did I buy the items, but also why was I browsing this site in the first place?
For the purchase itself, I think my "automatic thoughts" or justifications are the usual suspects as far as I'm concerned:
1. The "smart shopper" mindset: "hey, it's beautiful, ethical, made of natural organic fabrics and you can have it without sacrificing budget, why let such a perfect smart shoppnig opportunity slip?
2. The "Working Girl" mindset: "I'm working 40 hours a week, paying my taxes and holding my budget rather smartly, I can allow myself that kind of pleasure once in a while"
I didn't mention them in the post because they are not new, and they can be valid reasons within a certain context (despite having the flip side of justifying unnecessary purchases in other contexts like this one)
I think I need to work on the second parameter though: why was I browsing in the first place? Again, I didn't mention it in the post because it's a very specific and personal circumstance that I thought might not be interesting for readers, but I'm subject to a lot of stress and pressure in my life lately, for a number of environmental reasons, and I found that my brain needs distraction to take a break from overthinking. And searching for natural shampoos was my distraction of the day. I think I need to work on finding other ways to release stress and tension, and other distractions to calm my brain during down time.
I'm hoping to find other tips to understand and dismiss my impulse wishes in the future, that's the goal of that shopping fast too. Thanks for sharing yours, I'm noting down everything readers are sharing and intend to test it in the upcoming months :)
Oh, totally. I TOTALLY get the whole distraction thing and the whole "I deserve it" thing. When I was at my sucky job I absolutely was in both of those mindsets all the time (neither actually helped my cause). And it's so hard to get out of! Even after I left my job it was difficult to get rid of those residual feelings and habits and I was still overbuying. It definitely helped to cut myself off completely from websites and clothing stores for awhile (about three months). I mean, you wouldn't stick a drug addict in a crack den and tell them to just resist all temptation and recover, right? So, yeah, just keep on tryin'. I'm sure you'll find a better substitute for stress reduction. (I like those free guided meditation apps on my cell phone and "This American Life" podcasts while I work on mindless tasks to get myself out of my obsessive little head.)
DeleteWow, I have had such a similar experience. I'm so glad I got out of that job before my shopping got really out of hand. It hadn't gotten so bad that I needed a shopping ban, but I am still trying to be very strict now about budget, shopping priorities and quality guidelines. I've also turned to meditation to 'get out of my head' instead of browsing online stores :)
ReplyDeleteThat's interesting to see the influence of life situations and environmental causes to our spending habits - it is a coping mechanism of sorts for the brain, isn't it? Thankfully in my case, I don't have my whole professional situation to blame, I'm hoping my current stress is transitional. Meditation is a good road to explore to calm down a stressed brain. I've started this month with the app called "calm", let's see what happens!
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