 |
| Source: Isabelle Bertolini - Cargo Collective |
If you want to lose weight, you'd better skip the cheese.
This is what I was said during Easter week-end, one day at lunch. I don't feel offended at all by this remark, and I think the person who told me this didn't mean any harm - and I did eat cheese nonetheless - but this made me think. About weight in our society, body image, and standards.
Here is the full story: as a hobby, I run. On that fateful cheese day, I had a one hour run in the morning, followed by a casual discussion about health and sports before lunch. And at lunchtime, when I asked for the cheese, this remark came up, probably following the sports discussion we had earlier.
And that is the thing, it would mean that just because I go to the gym and run regularly, she assumed I wanted to lose weight. But why would I? I am not really thin, but I am a petite woman with a rather small build, and I am well within a medically healthy weight. And at no time during the week-end did I mention a diet or an insatisfaction with my weight - which I don't really have.
So, does it mean that any woman, unless very slim, has to want to lose weight by default? What does it say about our weight standard in today's society? Maria already wrote a lenghty and interesting post about the subject called "You look so slim!" that made me think as well at the time.
We all know there is a standard in the "glossy" side of society, the magazines, advertisements, the world of fashion, actresses etc. But we all know this is not the real world. Yet, it seems that real world people expect us women to want to fit in that standard: tall and slim (and preferably blonde).
I don't have any particular grudge against tall, slim blonde women, but neither do I envy them, I am perfectly satisfied with my own body shape and I think there is beauty in any type of women. But somehow it seems that people would assume otherwise, and tell me not to eat cheese if I want to lose weight.
I also noticed this tendency in websites that provide advice on how to dress according to body shape. This one in particular is very detailed and complete about body shapes with advice on how to dress according to various criteria. What struck me about these general pieces of advice though, is that it seems that stylist's goal is to make any body shape look taller and thinner. Again. As if the goal was not to sublimate our silhouette, but to look as tall and thin as possible, instead of putting emphasis on our lovely feminine curves.
Of course, I am not saying all their advice is bad, there is a need for proportions in a silhouette, and to be honest there is a paragraph on how to emphasize the curves if we want to, so I'm not criticizing the site's quality in any way. I am just suprised that by default (again), the style advice is to help looking taller and thinner.
So what does it say about our society? Is it trying to make us fit in a model, should we all aspire to look the same? Does it try to make us think there is only one beauty standard and that we should want to reach it? Does it simply want us to be formatted to that standard? Or suffer from terrible frustration trying?
 |
| Source: 9gag |
Maybe in the end it is down to that same thing: the consumerist society doesn't want us to be happy with what we have and who we are. After all, who would buy diet food, "slimming" clothes and subscribe to diet programs if we were all satisfied with our body shapes?
That's what I loved about Maria's post on dressing for your body shape: It focuses on how to make your body look proportionate instead of just looking taller and thinner!
ReplyDeleteExactly! I really like Maria's blog for that very reason, all her posts and advice are not biased by society's standards, which is so rare!
DeleteOh god, yes. I did no exercise whatsoever until I was around 21, but have been going regularly since then. And you know what? I weigh exactly the same as I did back then, but my health has improved by eons and I am a lot stronger and happier.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this is happening in France as well, but here in Norway the trend has shifted towards "strong is the new skinny" - which sounds great on the surface, until you realize that getting that muscular, strong physique can be just as time-consuming and diet-dictating as pure weight loss. You can't eat the candy bar no matter how you slice it.
I see what you mean about exercise. I only started last summer, and I actually put on weight, probably because muscles are heavier than fat (and I didn't really lose my fat, since I eat cheese...) but it is true that it feels so much better in terms of health, and very quickly! I remember, less than a month after I started running + muscular reinforcement, I was less tired or out of breath, had less problems carrying the grocery bags or suitcase... These are small changes but they make a real difference, and maybe people want to exercise for that reason and not because they want to lose weight.
DeleteI see what you mean with this new tendency. I don't know if that's the case in France or not, because I don't really follow mainstream blogs nor read any fashion related magazines, but it is true that in terms of diets anyway, the very extreme Dukan protein diets etc. have fallen out of fashion, and everybody is about completing the diet with some exercise. I still think most girls on ads or TV are really skinny though.
Mmmmmm, cheese.
DeleteI remember seeing an article recently that was particularly bad in terms of the advice it gave to plus-sized women on how to dress and style themselves - EVERYTHING was about looking thinner, without any consideration that people might just want to dress to look good but without giving a damn about the fact that they didn't fit a particular societal expectation about size. One piece of advice was actually "Never have a short haircut - it makes your head look small and therefore your body looks larger". Wow, heaven forbid someone should just want a short haircut because they like the look of short haircuts, or because it suits their lifestyle, or whatever. Luckily the first commenter called the writer out on it all, saying something to the effect of "How about we fat ladies just embrace the fact that we're larger than model-sized instead of obsessively trying to hide it like we're offending people with our size?".
ReplyDeleteIt's so depressing that the emphasis is so purely on what you look like, and is so detached from actual health. Like the number of my female friends who are on diets - I mean, diets in general baffle me, in terms of choosing to eat a particular way for a certain amount of time until a particular goal is achieved. People don't seem to realise how flawed that concept is, since it's just endlessly presented in the media as something everyone (but particularly women) should be doing. But doesn't it make sense just to try to eat a healthy and balanced diet all the time, your entire life, and to allow yourself to eat something less healthy and less balanced from time to time so you can enjoy a wide range of food experiences? It just seems so logical, but the media tell such a different story. And some of my friends who are on diets seem to really be keen to let everyone know they're on a particular diet, as if to say "See? I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing; I'm performing my life the way society says I should". I guess that's not surprising, since they're being made to feel that their body is wrong, and they want to tell people that they're trying to change that because they think it will stop people from judging them so harshly.
And ultimately it plays into the patriarchal system. Why should you as a woman be skinny and wear flattering clothes? Well, to be attractive to the male gaze (adding heteronormativity into the mix, of course). It's an almost unfathomable idea that people could happily choose to dress in a way that doesn't flatter their figure or make them look as thin as possible. I liked Maria's post about how wearing something that looks good is down to the right proportions - there are combinations of clothing that look good because the proportions and mixes are just objectively appealing. But I don't think a lot of people see it that way, and they think that if they're not trying to make themselves look as physically attractive (i.e. thin and tall) as possible, then they're not doing what they're supposed to.
But yeah, as you say, it's in the interests of consumerism that we're made to feel like we're not doing what we're supposed to, and that we don't look the way we're supposed to. Then we keep on buying things that might make us look the way we're supposed to (clothes, dodgy diet supplements, etc.) and we keep trying and buying new things all our lives because, unsurprisingly, hardly any of it seems to make much of a difference to how we feel.
Will you marry me? Seriously, this was so perfectly put, I'd totally have your babies.
DeleteVery true! This short haircut thing is completely ridiculous. And it ties in with what Maria says in her post, people feel allowed to judge "fat" women if they don't dress to look thinner, as if it was rude to be comfortable with their curves and not to try to fit in.
DeleteAlso, I think it distrubs people when they meet someone who doesn't think like everyone else, because it makes them question their thinking pattern. And it can be destabilizing. Even if the person who thinks and acts differently doesn't judge the standard thinking, the simple fact that they don't follow it is a way to question it in itself, and it can bring discomfort.
I have seen that since I arrived in Paris, you know I'm extremely surprised how the Parisian middle class is formatted: they all dress the same, go to the same shows, buy the same CDS (no wait, vinyls), use the same brands, go on vacation to the same spots. And probably aim to have the same type of bodies (they do talk about diet a lot anyway). I admit I am a bit different from that, with my minimalist approach to physical items among other things, and I have learned to keep my ideas quiet if I want to be integrated in my social environment. It's funny because, in my INTJ profile from the MBTI test, it says that INTJ "simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality". Which also ties in with what you wrote in your "barriers to buying less" post.
My, that comment diverted a lot from the initial subject. Anyway, not wanting to lose weight and fit in a conventional beauty standard is a part of all that thing - disturbing people by "unconventional" thinking...
That was a great comment Jess, very refreshing in the world of "fashion blogging". I've been enjoying this blog for a while but I don't remember if I have commented before. So hello :)
DeleteHello and welcome ;) Thanks for the appreciation! It is true that this kind of thinking is too rare...
DeleteMeet you at the registry office, Maja!
DeleteNobody, but nobody, gets between me and my cheese!
ReplyDelete(By the way, I love this blog and all the comments!)
Haha thanks! I completely agree on the cheese part ;)
DeleteA couple of my friends have been trying to lose weight and I was struck by how complex their motivations are - the health aspects are all mixed up with the “looking slimmer” aspects, and a lot of it I feel is the fault of all the nonsense promoted by women’s magazines about weight loss and disguising our “fat” bodies. My sister actually remarked the other day that clothes look better on slim people, and I had to respond: “No, clothes look better when they fit people.” It’s terribly unhealthy that many people think slimmer is better. I thought my friend looked great after she started exercising more – she was more toned, she looked stronger and she carried herself better - but she was disappointed that she didn’t lose as much weight as she had hoped, which I thought was missing the forest for the trees.
ReplyDeleteI admit I am susceptible to this line of thinking – I avoid clothes that I think make me look “wide”. Even though I have never gone on a diet, I hate it when I stop exercising and my body gets flabbier, and I feel slightly worried when my clothes get tighter. But regular exercise makes me feel great whatever my size is because I know my body can do things – swim, run, whatever. It’s so strange that people think exercise is only for people who want to lose weight. I get odd looks sometimes when I have salad for lunch and I know it’s because people I am trying to lose weight. But it’s only because I like vegetables and sometimes I need a break from heavy foods!
It is true that most people think clothes look better on slim people, and I think this is because most high street clothes's fit is made for tall and slim people - my seamstress can confirm, sometimes I even have to shorten the arm sleeves.
DeleteAnd the outfits displayed on slim actresses, on TV or in ads are also made for their bodies, so if other people try to dress the same without adapting their outfit to their own body shape, it is true that it won't look as good on them. But, provided they get proper advice (and not advice to look taller and slimmer), any body shape can get to wear flattering clothes, it is just very hard to learn how to sublimate our curves, because no-one bothers telling us.
And your last point is very true, too! I get this "are you on a diet?" every time I order fish or salads at restaurants. What if I like that type of food? Again, people believe by default that healthy eating, like sports, has to be linked to weight loss...
It's kind of ridiculous (but a little bit perversely entertaining) when I'm at a restaurant with my boyfriend and he orders something like fish and I order something like steak, and then when the waiter brings the meals out, most of the time it is automatically assumed the fish is for me and the steak is for my boyfriend - because all women need to eat healthily because they're all on diets to lose weight, right? Food and meals can be so weirdly gendered because of that sort of thinking. Even ordering coffees - my boyfriend is lactose intolerant so he has his coffees made with soy milk, but when the coffees are served, the soy one is always given to me. Why is soy feminine? Do people think it's healthier and lower fat therefore dieting therefore women? Madness. And even if it's only done kind of automatically or subconsciously and with no ill intent, it's still sending women this insidious, relentless message that they need to watch what they eat because because presumably they want to be as thin as possible.
DeleteThis is so true! It happened to us last week or so, I ordered a good piece of meat and my partner got the fish, and the waiter mixed the plates. I didn't even notice but now that you mention it, it's probably not the first time, knowing I have a taste presumably more "manly" - I don't like sweet stuff that much and prefer whisky or beer over fruity cocktails, to give only that example. And since I don't know how to cook a piece of meat properly, I often order big pieces of meat in restaurants. It's probably a subconscious reflex from the waiters though, based on experience. I viewed a great TED talk from Dan Gilbert that speaks just about that: how we are bad at estimating odds because we base ourselves on past experiences and not possibilities. And it is true in that case, it could make the woman feel guilty for ordering the meat and not the fish or salad...
Delete