tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post8181420531395353141..comments2024-01-11T11:41:22.827+01:00Comments on Dream On: What Do You Really Want?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-52019657836567118172014-09-28T09:59:34.742+02:002014-09-28T09:59:34.742+02:00Thank you very much for this thoughtful note! It i...Thank you very much for this thoughtful note! It is true that it is a slow process and it takes some time to realize and change things, at least it is the case for me. I think, when we try to compensate with material items, it probably means the brain is trying to find surrogates to avoid facing the situation, so it takes time to accept, and then do something about it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-21843037130471894932014-09-26T15:11:35.033+02:002014-09-26T15:11:35.033+02:00I have for long now realised I sometimes buy thing...I have for long now realised I sometimes buy things to fill a void. You put this beautifully! <br />Gaining conscience of that process has already helped me a lot, but I believe this is a long-term comprehension, meaning we should really dig inside carefully to understand our behaviour. And change it!<br />I really appreciate the way you put all this, very well written!juju gagohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17141533304652447835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-55782336802648684282014-09-21T22:16:13.657+02:002014-09-21T22:16:13.657+02:00Thanks for sharing this anecdote, that sounds like...Thanks for sharing this anecdote, that sounds like a perfect example of using objects to try and fill a non-material need. Buying items to construct the image of who we want to be. I remember having long polished nails as well when I wanted to be "a proper adult" :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-45210921958678621362014-09-21T22:13:33.258+02:002014-09-21T22:13:33.258+02:00Interesting! Indeed, we probably keep accumulating...Interesting! Indeed, we probably keep accumulating stuff when we are trying to fill another need, it is endless. The nailpolish is a great example, I'm happy you found new homes for them ;)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-28849826650682777712014-09-21T20:24:39.983+02:002014-09-21T20:24:39.983+02:00Odd you should mention nail polish. I bought it al...Odd you should mention nail polish. I bought it almost religiously for years - all colours, limited editions, you name it, I had to have it. Thing is, I end up chucking them out years later when they're a gunked-up mess, having used them once or twice. After a lot of thought, I realised I bought them so I could fulfil the image of myself as the sort of woman who wears nail polish - elegant, suave and well-groomed, the sort of woman whose polished nails are always perfectly applied. I also realised I was never going to be that woman, and that it was my mother who wanted me to be her, not me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-79279783546709545092014-09-19T19:58:55.863+02:002014-09-19T19:58:55.863+02:00This phrase has been a lifesaver for me: "You...This phrase has been a lifesaver for me: "You can't get enough of what you don't really need." That is, we keep accumulating certain things in the hopes they will fill a particular empty spot in us. But there will never be enough, but it isn't what is needed in the first place. I just helped a friend re-home over 300 bottles of the most beautiful nail polish. I don't know what she needed, but apparently it wasn't nail polish.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-8016453297215616772014-09-06T18:03:40.929+02:002014-09-06T18:03:40.929+02:00Makes complete sense! And no offense taken, most o...Makes complete sense! And no offense taken, most of my bags are no-brand or brands that are relatively unknown in Norway anyway. The few true luxury items I own I bought because I genuinely wanted them for year(s) :) <br /><br />I totally get buying because one wants to belong, though. I went straight from a job in a call center to being the youngest member of a sales/marketing department, and it was kind of freaking me out. I have never bought that many button-down shirts and structured blazers in such a short time before.Majahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07003238334988052560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-68735411523629929872014-09-06T15:55:16.973+02:002014-09-06T15:55:16.973+02:00From your story it feels your interior decor was v...From your story it feels your interior decor was very dependent on your mood, or the kind of atmosphere you wanted to re-create. I can relate to that, after all our home is a sort of sanctuary to gather energy and find peace in this every speeding society, so it feels natural to want to come back to what we miss in there.<br /><br />I also agree on surrounding ourselves with items that really mean something - whether it is a gift from a loved one, heritage from family, souvenirs from travels, reminiscent of a nice experience... I don't think that's incompatible with "minimalism" though - after all isn't it a pursuit of owning fewer but more meaningful & joyful objects? At least that's how I see it...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-62236476267228330512014-09-06T15:51:27.988+02:002014-09-06T15:51:27.988+02:00Haha I'm sure there are ways to travel even wh...Haha I'm sure there are ways to travel even when older - otherwise we are lost, the young ones who have health but no time nor money can't hope to travel more when they get older and can afford it :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-70701639161071719392014-09-06T15:50:19.497+02:002014-09-06T15:50:19.497+02:00I've been wondering about buying stuff to impr...I've been wondering about buying stuff to impress people, and in what circles it really works after all. In Paris there is this whole social group of people - usually middle to upper middle class, who work in open spaces and feel the need to show off their status, "knowledge" of what is in, and money through high end brands - but usually confidential ones, not the most mainstream ones - and take pride in being able to afford these high end items. I've never really integrated in this kind of circles because I've always found it quite stupid (no offense) to spend a lot of money only for a brand name, when you can have the same - or even better quality - for a more reasonable price at a less 'trendy' shop. <br /><br />I guess I'm more into the kind of circles that doesn't get impressed by money and brands then :) But I guess there are always items to impress some kinds of people. If it's not high end clothing, it can be certain books, or knowing about certain authors, or having seen certain theater plays... I feel like buying to impress others comes at an earlier stage of life though, at least for me it was during my teens until my early twenties, when I was self-searching and wanted to "belong". Now I feel I have a more stable identity and defined tastes - and I don't care much for impressing people anymore, I only care about being in line with myself and recognizing myself in the mirror, if it makes sense.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-67347831059356368102014-09-06T15:30:34.320+02:002014-09-06T15:30:34.320+02:00Thanks for this kind word! Yes, maybe we lose sigh...Thanks for this kind word! Yes, maybe we lose sight of what's non-negotiable over time. Or maybe we lose sight of what IS negotiable. Not everything has to be made for career and money, and it is negotiable to step down to favour personal life too. In any case, that's the problematic I find myself in these days :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-67061799320371716222014-09-06T15:28:20.916+02:002014-09-06T15:28:20.916+02:00I've wondered a lot about using objects as a w...I've wondered a lot about using objects as a way to carve ourselves an identity, or reassure ourselves about who we are. I think it can be very useful at some point in our lives - it was at my early twenties for me essentially, plus, on the specific topic of clothing, when I decided to make over my style. It may also have been linked to insecurities, I wonder if objects can be a long term solution to them though. I've noticed that growing up also brings its share of confidence and explorations, and I don't know about you, butI feel less the need to express myself through my objects anymore.<br /><br />When it comes to travel, I'm quite the opposite though. I agree that what matters is the location itself, and spending enough money on making the trip/experience itself the best possible, but I really like this fantasy of having a home full of little finds from my travels, bought from craftsmen and locals, as a sort of "prize" for my discoveries, a reminder of past joyful experiences. I would never spend a lot of money on travel souvenirs though.<br /><br />I also relate a lot fo buying when itching for a change. Maybe it's a sort of symbol, or milestone... Now I shuffle my own stuff around, or buy a bouquet of flowers, instead of letting even more stuff pile up in my home :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-20660855864831511782014-09-06T15:22:12.174+02:002014-09-06T15:22:12.174+02:00Ah there might be something to dig into here - the...Ah there might be something to dig into here - the idea to wear, or display, things that correspond to our tastes, culture and preferences, maybe to attract like-minded people and spark conversations. I definitely can relate to that, when it comes to little trinkets brought back from Japan. Years later, the summer silk fan still generates conversations :)<br /><br />I have been wondering on what criteria to choose my items as well lately, epecially considering all the non-material reasons lingering behind shopping motivations. Should we then stop buying items altogether or embrace the idea and indulge once in a while.. I like your idea of useful, joyful and beautiful. After all what matters isn't the object itself but what it brings to our lives :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-74234867230910497032014-09-06T15:18:47.464+02:002014-09-06T15:18:47.464+02:00That's an interesting way to look at things in...That's an interesting way to look at things indeed. And I think you're right, maybe labels and loud clothes take too much space for some of us, and a simpler outfit helps expressing ourselves better. As an introvert I can relate to that - I've used clothes as a disguise for a long while, but since 2011 I've felt like letting simpler clothes reveal who I really am instead. I don't know if that makes much sense but I understand what you mean. I hope you can refine your style even more over time and that it helps boosting your self confidence too :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-8285886421959630852014-09-06T15:16:01.835+02:002014-09-06T15:16:01.835+02:00Haha that's very interesting :) The moroccan r...Haha that's very interesting :) The moroccan rug is quite a story for me too, I finally bought one in France but still want to go to Morocco. If you do go I'd love to see your stories :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-34271169066093908042014-09-06T15:15:04.849+02:002014-09-06T15:15:04.849+02:00Ah yes, that's an interesting point too, tryin...Ah yes, that's an interesting point too, trying to communicate an identity or a passion through what we buy. It might be linked to that post I wrote a while ago called "the geek shelf", where I emited the theory that we may choose what's on our living room shelf depending on what we want to "show off" to our guests, but also spark conversations and interests among like-minded people. It's interesting to see that's how you feel about your "traveler's" purchases.<br /><br />The question of investing in your own interior is also a phase I can relate to, and I agree that it is sometimes nice to spend for some meaningful items that bring a bit of you in your home. When I became young adult and found a first job to help paying my studies, I remember being fed up with all this furniture and items that were given to me when I moved in at 15. It was a great help back then, but after a few years I needed something to feel "at home". I think that's when I cultivated the pleasure of bringing trinkets back from my travels. It was a way to carve my home with my own story and not that of (generous nonetheless) family members. I shipped back tons of decoration items and dishes from Japan, which was my way of making my home my own. I wholeheartedly agree on wanting to spend at least a little on your own home beyond bare necessities, as you say, in a mindful way. I like the idea of items that have a story - as my great uncle who worked at the embassy has tons of.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-65375044577764693322014-09-06T15:05:34.355+02:002014-09-06T15:05:34.355+02:00The case of interior decoration is very interestin...The case of interior decoration is very interesting indeed. After having lived alone for over 12 years, and seen a lot of different appartments from a lot of different people, I'm convinced there is a strong link between someone's mood, personality and current emotional state, and their interior. Often, depressed or sad people have dirtier and more cluttered homes, people who feel they are in a "transitional" situation and want to leave seem to not really invest their own home totally, as you say, they don't take the time to decorate because they want to leave. I remember, when I came back from Japan, the biggest change in my appartment happened. I'd already lived there for 6 years, and after one year abroad & sub-renting it to a friend, I felt the need to "make it my own" again. Maybe it was also a way to show I had changed during that year abroad - I changed the colour of the walls and doors (from fiery red to a more toned down white and almond green), got rid of half my furniture and bought some nude, mineral coloured decoration items. I agree with you that, although the purchase isn't "necessary" per se, it's sometimes very therapeutical to change our home through bits of decoration here and there. I'm totally with you on greenery - all of my plants died at that time when I came back from Japan and I never really got around to buying new ones, but lately I'm letting succulents and cactus slowly creep into my home. Anyway interesting story, maybe this is a symbol for you to settle down and enjoy your life in Cambridge while you are here?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18258704812525496584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-81716960825575476152014-09-06T08:45:53.111+02:002014-09-06T08:45:53.111+02:00I read this post as you published it, and had to l...I read this post as you published it, and had to let it sink for a couple of days. I am the complete opposite for accessorie: I do own quite a few that are unique or exotic, and were bought abroad or given to me as a present from abroad. Needless to say they are my most treasured pieces, and I guess I'll keep them forever, unlike my other pieces I bought here - which usually are not ethnic style. Maybe some day I'll write a blog post on them, some have interesting stories... As for the home décor, I have realized I had a very different taste when I was leaving in the US! The sleek, minimalist modern look reminded me too much of the lab and clean room I was working in, so I preferred more traditional and rustic shapes and decorations. And that was a clear desire to be back home with granma, possibly cooking together. So one day I decided to just come back to Italy, and now my preferences for home decor have come back to what they were before: simple and modern with some interesting accessorie that can tell a story, better if they come from my granmas, like a beautiful blanket my mom gave me for my wedding, which she got from dad's mom. I guess I could never be a minimalist for this reason: I could never get rid of items that are part of my hystory, I consider myself more of a "collector".chiarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08154652240740999928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-18349976777175423222014-09-05T22:50:12.969+02:002014-09-05T22:50:12.969+02:00yep - if you want to travel and explore, do it whi...yep - if you want to travel and explore, do it while you're young and can walk for hours and hours. :-)SewTypicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00476849223678980036noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-46330063889728209872014-09-05T09:31:09.125+02:002014-09-05T09:31:09.125+02:00This is such a great and thoughtful post, and the ...This is such a great and thoughtful post, and the comments are so insightful as well - love the community here! My main wish list has stayed pretty stable for the past few years now, which I hope means that I have settled into a comfortable place, style-wise. There are still semi-impulse purchases (as I'm sure you know), but overall I seem to know what I like, what suits me, and what I will and won't spend my money on. My shopping habits have changed drastically over the years as I have been able to afford increasingly higher quality items, but I don't think a lot of the things that I buy are there to replace a different subconscious longing (although I'm sure I might be wrong). If I bought things to impress people then I wouldn't spend my nights inside watching Netflix, that's for sure, and I also feel like shopping has a pretty bad rep in my circles anyway, both online and IRL - you're supposed to be above those things, only wear invisible makeup and carry heritage, non-brand handbags - you know? If anything my makeup-stash and bag collection might be hurting my rep ;)Majahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07003238334988052560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-62462994250139723932014-09-05T02:08:55.578+02:002014-09-05T02:08:55.578+02:00Living one's life by default. I've done it...Living one's life by default. I've done it and I suspect many women have. Sometimes it is temporizing, which can be valid, e.g. I can't afford the time and/or money to travel right now. Often, though I think it is when we have lost sight of what is "non-negotiable", that which is central to well-being/identity. A great post, as is often the case. Thanks so much for your thoughtful contributions.Jannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-36480799293448371042014-09-05T00:42:38.318+02:002014-09-05T00:42:38.318+02:00I think my consumption really peaked in the last f...I think my consumption really peaked in the last few years of my twenties mostly because I was grappling at straws for some sort of identity before I got married and settled into a routine. In fact, I think ALL of my twenties has been an endless search for the right kind of home decor and the right kind of wardrobe. It's only when I've been able to afford to experiment that I finally figured out what exactly works for me and what I am willing to spend my money on. On some level, I've always been a competitive and fiercely envious person with lots of insecurities, and it has taken me a long time and lots of money to get rid of this trait. <br /><br />I don't buy things when I travel because the chances are you'll be able to find something similar back home. The only thing in my life I ever regretted not buying on my travels was a set of hand-hammered brass spoons from Tibet that I've searched in vain everywhere - not sure why I need them but I felt they were just so beautifully made. Memories and experiences are good enough souvenirs for me - which is why I am more willing to spend money on a beautiful location or good food and on good traveling equipment. <br /><br />I find that I buy things whenever I am itching for a change or when I'm stressed and that stupid insecurity complex flares up. I think just shutting the computer or going out and talking to some friends who don't judge has been the best thing for my sanity. Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08733878051719246087noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-84164044753079224602014-09-04T19:33:48.672+02:002014-09-04T19:33:48.672+02:00Last summer I was very drawn to a sold-out Zara tr...Last summer I was very drawn to a sold-out Zara tribal necklace, and searched everywhere for a similar piece. I gave up the search when I realized that a necklace wouldn't make me stop missing a trip I took to Africa the year prior. Thinking about it today, that desire was also somehow driven by a longing to find people who had shared a similar experience, and might notice the necklace and ask about my interest in African culture and travel. I was looking for my own tribe.<br /><br />Really that gets to the heart of how I've dressed myself for two decades - identifying with certain labels, initiatives, cultures, and groups of people; and using clothing as a conduit of creativity. Lately I'm spending a lot more time digging up the roots of wishlist items and am buying far fewer items and much happier with my purchases. A good litmus test has been to ask if an item is useful, joyful, and beautiful; if the source is ethical; if the item will appeal to me and last a long time; and if it will fit multiple "needs" or occasions to wear it.<br /><br />For me, the exploration of what I buy and why has been an ongoing rehabilitation against many old, deep-seated habits. It is always refreshing to read your and others' thoughts on the process, here, and I appreciate your taking the time to unpack all of it online. Jess H.http://www.roseandfig.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-12037964738529116372014-09-04T17:28:34.476+02:002014-09-04T17:28:34.476+02:00I'm not sure I'm ready to analyze my ident...I'm not sure I'm ready to analyze my identity/fashion issues! But I can relate to that one the most. I'm evolving, I feel it, and it's playing out in my clothing choices (where the evolution is most visible.) Right now I'm into dark colors, simple lines, this pseudo-androgyny but also kind of waking up to my own femininity in terms of recognizing and playing with my shape. It's weird. I know I have this self-image of a woman who "blends in, who doesn't make waves," but I reblog images on Tumblr of women with a large presence, usually because of the attitude they project. I've been looking for clothes that enhance me but aren't statements themselves, so that I can practice projecting my own presence.<br /><br />...that's really weird to admit out loud: simplicity, almost austerity so that I can shine, and not the clothes themselves.Shutterbug Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14753859006730802394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4278952973244360576.post-55593568300238248152014-09-04T16:08:55.910+02:002014-09-04T16:08:55.910+02:00Wow, I loved this article. It happens the same to ...Wow, I loved this article. It happens the same to me. I keep searching for the perfect moroccan rug... But what I REALLY want is to travel to Morocco and buy a rug there by myself! :)Carlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13420209821627901736noreply@blogger.com