17 September 2014

Is This Satisfying For You?

Donegal, Ireland 2014 // Personal Picture

When we make choices - whether it is purchasing the right object, where to go on vacation, where to live, or even what career to pursue - we often base our decision on comparison with other people, with what is "normal" to do. But what choices would we make, if our most important criteria was "is this a satisfying choice for me?"

When I was in my late teen years, I often went to attic sales/flea markets of sorts, to gather cheap home items after I moved into my own place. One day, we went to an attic sale with a friend and her mother, and I remember finding a very beautiful japanese engraving, but it was expensive by attic sales standards.

And I remember the advice my friend's mother gave me: "Regardless of this being an attic sale, do you think it is worth 20€?" She asked. "Can you afford it? Do you really like the painting? Is this painting, and its price, satisfying for you?" In other words, she was advising me to consider the purchase through my own needs and eyes - and not according to the environment or how much I was supposed to pay for it under the circumstances.

I found it to be very valuable advice then, and I still remember this anecdote now, because I think this reasoning can be applied to virtually any life choice, and not just attic sales purchases. Instead of comparing with colleagues, old classmates, what society considers to be success, why not recenter the debate on ourselves and wonder: regardless of the environment, is this satisfying for me?

How many times do we make life choices because that's what we are supposed to do? How often are we unhappy with what we have because we are supposed to have more? This goes back to the concept of living our lives by default - following the path we are supposed to follow, without really asking ourselves if that is satisfying for us.

We may have the potential to be very happy with a certain collection of items, appartment, life partner, job or salary, but under the pressure to always aim for more or better, end up  unsatisfied with what we are lucky to have, and run after always better, always newer.

We may even make choices which are not satisfying for us, because that's what we are supposed to do. And we don't ask ourselves enough - what do I want to do? What does really make me happy? Look at your life now - what really makes you happy? You spouse, children, career, travels, craft or art...?

That may be the beginning of the answer to what is satisfying for you. And you may end up shunning that job promotion opportunity, or settle  for an unknown brand instead of buying the it-bag like everybody else. But in the end, if that is satisfying for you, then little else matters.

There is no success, no failure, there is just life, opportunities and choices. Choices to seize the opportunity, or to let it pass. Because refusing to choose is a choice. Staying cosily into our default lives is a choice. But is this satisfying for you?

9 comments:

  1. If I had done everything I was supposed to do I would be married, own a house, and maybe even have a kid. After all I have been with my partner for 13 years, and that's what you are supposed to do after so many years, right? However, we don't want to have kids yet and we want to hold off any major financial commitments until we are both in steady, well-paying jobs. The Boyfriend put off higher education until now because the time wasn't right for him - people have such a hard time grasping this one - and I'm sure we could loan money from our parents or even get an early inheritance to buy an apartment, but it just wouldn't feel right for us. Buying an apartment in your early-to-mid twenties has become so common in Norway that people stare at me in disbelief when they hear that we still rent, but it feels right for us :)

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    1. Is apartment housing cheap in Norway? In other parts of the US, buying a property with ample acreage is possible in your mid-20s but fewer are capable of that in large metropolitan areas like Los Angeles or New York. I myself am working slowly toward being able to rent on my own--owning a home right now feels so far away.

      One step at a time, n'est-ce pas?

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    2. No, it is ridiculously expensive. Getting huge loans or advanced inheritance from your parents has become so de rigueur that it is almost an expected part of buying your first place - you simply can't save up that much money on your own unless you start working (and saving up) in your teens. No need to say that this sucks for anyone who haven't got rich parents or who wouldn't feel right going down that road. It was easier before the financial crisis, nearly anyone could get huge loans without breaking a sweat, but now you have to save up 15% of the total cost yourself before the bank will even look at you. So the people with rich parents, or adults buying their second or third home, can buy whatever they want and are driving the prices up, while the rest of us are kind of standing on the side of the road going "WTF".. :)

      It's cool though, we'll get there. I'm a money-saving machine, although you wouldn't think it from my blog ;)

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    3. I was about to ask the same question as Kristina actually - here in Paris buying your own place is rather mid-thirties, for most. Unless you get major parental help, as you say. Buying your own place is something expected though, a colleague just bought his own place and he was like - now, no money for travel or Asos orders. Is the sacrifice really worth it? I'm not saying I'll never buy anything real-estate wise, I'm just kind of questioning this established "truth" that everyone should buy a home and pay mortgages for 30 years to a bank...

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    4. The dream house Vs dream life conundrum. In India, traditional wisdom imparted to you by generations of family asks you to pick house. Make sure you have a roof over you head incase of a hay day. It is labeled as the American dream, here in the US. And i see that the age varies as to when people purchase their first home. Its lower for immigrants from Asia as i have noticed.

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  2. Excellent post! thank you -
    It all goes back to being in touch with our inner selves...

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    1. Thanks! I think it does go back to "know yourself" indeed - finding inner reasons and motivations instead of confirming to external rules...

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  3. Thanks again Kali for another thought provoking post! I hope you know that if you were to ever write a book that I would buy it! You are so insightful and I just really appreciate you taking the time to write things for us. Thanks so SO much- Lisette

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    1. Thank you for this kind note! I'm really happy you can find value in what I'm writing :)

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